And The Living Series
by Vylet
Summary: The changes River brings to Serenity...
1. When Things Fall

Disclaimer: Not mine. 'Nuff said.  
  
A/N: Can be read as a Simon & River stand-alone, or as *And The Living*, Part 1  
  
Feedback: Please!!  
  
****  
  
Simon had been dreaming. He knew that, even though he couldn't remember what about. As soon as he woke up, any fantasy was lost. He just couldn't remember. All he knew was that he woke up with River in his head. Screaming.   
  
It had to be about three in the morning, but that didn't matter. It also didn't register that the whole ship was as silent as… well, as a big hunk of flying metal could be. In his head, his sister was crying out to him, clear as day.   
  
He practically flew to her bed, failing to notice or care that he was shirtless, and barefoot. When he got to River's side, she was still sleeping, but clearly not peacefully. He sat on the edge of her mattress, hand covering hers protectively, and waited.   
  
She was so pale, so fragile. So young. Her hair fanned out, tangled, across her pillow, framing her face as her lips moved in silent- Pleas? Prayers? Configurations? Concentration shifted to panic, emotions slipping fluidly across River's face like the tide, until she sat up with a scream. Simon was ready.   
  
"Shh, meimei, it's okay. It's okay, you're safe now." She was shaking, breathless, trying to form words without sound to back them up. He smoothed her hair away from her face, murmuring soothing nonsense, comforting lies. "It'll be alright." "It's over." There wasn't much truth to be had anymore, out here in the black.   
  
"This'll help you sleep," he promised, pricking her delicate skin with a light smoother. As she lay back against her pillow, she reached out a hand and he looked down at where it rested on his chest. "So fragile," she said quietly. "So easy to break, such a thin layer holding it all together."   
  
She looked up at him, her eyes pleading for him to listen, to understand. "It's not safe, Simon. We're not safe. We will NEVER be safe." Her voice gave him chills, but he held her hand tight until she drifted off, muttering about horses and kings, and a queen whose throne had been stolen.   
  
His baby sister. **"You gave up everything you had. And you found me broken."** That fourteen-year-old with the bratty grin, who could do everything, including push his buttons like no one else. That child was gone, had become a young woman while his back was turned.   
  
But even now, even with the nightmares, and the medications, and the eyes that seemed to be able to read a person's heart from across the room, she was still herself. She was still River.   
  
And so, he tucked her in, and returned to his room, falling into a restless sleep for a few hours, and worrying even then. Just like he had done the night before. Just like he would do again tomorrow.   
  
Because she was still his sister. That was all that mattered. 


	2. Some Days It Shines

Disclaimer: Not mine. 'Nuff said.  
  
A/N: Feedback always appreciated.   
  
****   
  
Mal walked into the infirmary unannounced. Simon heard him enter, but didn't say anything. Waited, until the Captain cut to the point.  
  
"So, Supergenius was clearing her lungs again last night." It wasn't a question. Simon could hear the edge in Mal's voice.  
  
The doctor replied slowly, "Yes, she- she's getting better, but it'll take some time."   
  
"That's great, but see, I got me a crack team who are at less than peak performance cuz they keep gettin' woke up at 3 in the morning."  
  
The doctor was a bit forceful in his reply. "I know, I'm sorry, but it's not like I can just stopper it up with the right medication. She was TORTURED. Traumatized. And now she's having nightmares. You would, too."  
  
Mal gave him an unreadable look before turning and heading back out. "You'd best come up with something, Doc. This is getting to be a real problem."  
  
He climbed down to his quarters, Simon's words echoing in his head. "She's having nightmares. You would, too." How could he ignore the obvious, here? The irony, even. Anybody'd have nightmares, after all he'd seen.   
  
**So what makes the girl all that different?** some inner voice nagged at him.   
  
It's different, cuz I ain't screamin' my guts out every night, he answered himself.   
  
**No, cuz you're so strong, so tough. She's just a kid. A creepy impressionable kid. And you got no right to fault her for still being innocent.**  
  
The voice, oddly enough, sounded a bit like Inara.  
  
Don't matter. I gotta look out for my crew.   
  
**But there's no call for being insensitive.**   
  
INSENSITIVE? Whose head are we in now? Don't give a gorram Reaver's ass for insensitive. We do the job, we keep flyin'. We don't waste time coddlin' the crazy-folk.   
  
**Maybe, it's time for that to change.**  
  
~~  
  
Mal walked into the dining area for something that resembled lunch, noting only Jayne and River in the room.  
  
River was hunched over a sketchpad, hair shielding her face, and Jayne was doing his best to ignore her while he ate.  
  
"Jayne," Mal said in greeting, giving the girl a glance but not addressing her as he sat down. Jayne nodded slightly, with a quick flick of his eyes toward River. Obviously, he was curious about what she was dong, but wary of getting close enough to find out. Mal didn't blame him.  
  
But, he'd probably never thought of trying the obvious.  
  
"What are you doin', River?" he inquired politely, trying to see the paper from where he sat and failing.  
  
"Liar." She looked up past her curtain of hair, with innocent eyes. "He doesn't care. He's pretending. Thinks it's behind him, but he isn't the wolf. He's the sheep." Picking up her pad, River left without a backward glance, humming as she headed toward Kaylee's quarters.  
  
Mal shot a puzzled look at Jayne, and received a careless shrug in return. "Girl's nuts, Mal. Why even start?"  
  
He frowned, sitting back in his chair.  
  
**Cuz maybe she ain't the only one needs help.**  
  
~  
  
She woke up screaming again. Didn't mean to. Didn't even hear it, the screams were so much louder in her head. Knew she was making trouble. But now the light was back. It was better. And he was beside her, just like last night.  
  
But then the fog rolled back and the world was clear again.  
  
Not Simon, him. Mal. "Bad," she murmured.   
  
**Dead language. Can't be helpful.**  
  
"Hey," he said quietly. Kindly.  
  
**Softer around the edges. He understands. He doesn't want to, but he does.**  
  
"You're not the warrior king. You're the little boy outside the castle, searching for a hand while the sky comes raining down."  
  
He narrowed his eyes at her. "Not sure I follow." Then his voice went soft again. "You havin' nightmares?"  
  
She dropped her gaze to her combat boots. "They, they don't even give me a chance- there's no bargain, there's no chips, no barter, no monetary value, I try but I can't find the door and it's dark--"  
  
"It's okay," he broke in reassuringly. "You don't have to worry no more. Serenity'll take good care of you."  
  
She looked as though she'd just realized he was there. Reaching out a hand toward his neck, she felt at the air, murmuring, "You had a symbol."  
  
He looked down uncomfortably, and moved her hand away. "No need for that, now."  
  
"That's right," she said sadly. "It's gone. You tell yourself you don't want it, don't need it, that you're better without, but deep down you know…" her eyes fill with tears as she looked at him, searching, trying to make him see. "Deep down you can feel where it's missing and so can everyone else and they know and they're careful and you spend every day trying to get it back." She pulled her knees to her chest as he looked at her with new understanding, and she added quietly, her voice cracking, "It's gone, and you'll never get it back."  
  
He smiled sadly. "You too, huh, kid?" She watched him, face expressionless, waiting. "Turns out, maybe I'm the one who understands. More than Kaylee, more than the Doc. 'Cause I've been havin' nightmares, too. Long before you picked that program." He stopped talking, at a loss, but she didn't do like a normal person would, and pick up the end of the conversation. No, she just kept staring at him, with those haunted eyes. "Don't know what else to say. Don't even know why I came. I just- you'd better get back to sleep."  
  
"You feel bad."  
  
He looked away. "Maybe, a little. Shouldn't blame you, for-"  
  
"No. YOU feel bad. Inside." He just looked at her blankly. "You hurt. You miss it. And you're sorry. But you FEEL. Pain, sorrow, love, glee. You're still alive, in here," she said, placing a hand on his heart. "It's still beating."  
  
"Hey," he said quickly, grabbing her hand. "Remember about the not-touching?"  
  
She moved her hand away, but she was grinning like it was Christmas. "You'll know, soon. And then there'll be a parade."  
  
He gave up. "Sure, kid. You better hit the sack now, 'fore Big Brother comes to dope you up. Just- just wanted to say g'night, I guess. Just wanted you to know you ain't alone."  
  
"Neither are you," she replied. He looked at her, surprised to find understanding and clarity in her eyes. She added meaningfully, "We're different. But we're the same." He smiled just a little in response. **She got it.**  
  
As he turned and opened the door to leave, he ran into Simon, looking drowsy and disheveled.  
  
"What's going on?" he directed at River with a wary glance at the Captain. "Is everything all right?"  
  
Mal answered him. "Sure, everything's fine, Doc. Your sister and I just…came to an understanding, is all." He left, and headed down the corridor.  
  
Simon turned back to River, puzzled. "Did he come to tell you to be quiet? What'd he say to you, River?"  
  
Across the room, her sketchpad lay open, revealing a rough but detailed picture of the Captain. His eyes shone heavy with pride and confusion, and a cross hung round his neck. **Tarnished, but still gleaming.**  
  
Her gaze stayed on the empty doorway, and as Mal's footsteps receded, she smiled again. "There's going to be a parade." 


End file.
